So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm bleeding and have questions
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
