Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
