I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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