I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
