If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
