There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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