He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
