you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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