You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize