Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can text with my tongue
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
