why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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