You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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