He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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