Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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