Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
