very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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