i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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