Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
