these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He shit in the fireplace
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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