a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
