There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
