does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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