Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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