I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
