I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
