After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
