the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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