if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
