I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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