4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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