someone get that fucking seahorse.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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