I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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