Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
