lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
