what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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