i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
