I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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