What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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