Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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