The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
