he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
