Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
