mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
