i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize