I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we made out on top of his cat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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