I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
