overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you win again, gameday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
