I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
