Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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