I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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