why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
