forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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