What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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