I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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