question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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