Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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