Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying