If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
