Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
