He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
