You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.