The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.