i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
