in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
