so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
