I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.