You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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