So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.